The “being” helps to facilitate the “doing”
VOL 59 - THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 30
Good Morning #NoteddTribe! We are closing the ninth chapter of the year, heading into the fourth quarter of 2021. Woo-hoo!
As you may have been catching, we’ve been focused on self-improvement and self-care for the month. We shared that the spiritual meaning of September is linked to refocusing your inner energy. We discussed the new trend that September is the new January. We also shared these nine things to start making those small improvements and building these five practices into your daily routine.
We’re excited to bring back Jordan A. Madison, relationship restoration expert specializing in individual, couple, and family therapy and founder of Therapy Is My J.A.M. In addition to sharing the five self-improvement / self-care best practices, we also had an opportunity to chat with Jordan in-depth on her work as a therapist, the importance and misconceptions of self-care and self-improvement, and how to cope with productivity dysmorphia and retraumatization.
Check it out below!
Tell us a little about yourself.
My name is Jordan Madison; I am a licensed clinical marriage and family therapist in Maryland and D.C. I recently started my practice, seeing clients virtually. I write content for the Therapy for Black Girls blog once a month and am a recurring guest host on the Because Life with Sydel podcast. I am from Brooklyn, N.Y., went to Spelman College for undergrad and moved to Maryland to go to grad school, and have stayed here ever since. I enjoy 90s R&B and early 2000s music, cute babies, watching the sunset, and burning candles.
What are you most passionate about?
I am most passionate about reducing the stigma around mental health in the Black community and create space for healing. The Black community faces so much on a day-to-day basis. I feel as though we’re just taught to grin and bear it, be strong, and move in without taking time for self-care, processing, and relaxation. I also feel like what we experience impacts not only us individually but our relationships as well. So I’m passionate about helping the Black community create healthier relationships, which hopefully leads to healthier families and healthier individuals.
What’s you favorite quote or mantra?
I have a lot of favorite quotes and bible scriptures, but to keep with the focus of self-improvement, the first that comes to mind is, “You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress, simultaneously” - Sophia Bush.
Please share the founding story behind your brand, Therapy is My JAM.
Originally therapy is my jam started as an idea to make t-shirts. I went to the Black Mental Health Symposium in 2019 and saw a lot of cute t-shirts that were about therapy, or going to therapy. Since my passion is around reducing the stigma of therapy, I wanted to create some merchandise that would help start a conversation but could never think of what to put on the shirt. Somehow Therapy is my J.A.M. came to mind, and it worked because my full name is Jordan Ashley Madison, and my initials spell J.A.M., so I was “like, oh perfect!” And then, as I realized how perfectly it works for me, I changed my brand to encompass that as well. My original therapy page on Instagram was @perfectlyimbalanced, but Therapy is my J.A.M. became my name for everything. In January of 2020, I changed my instagram name and launched my website, www.therapyismyJAM.com, and the brand has now extended into the name of my practice.
As we shine a light on Self Improvement Awareness Month, why do you think it's important to raise awareness on self improvement?
I think it’s important to raise awareness on self-improvement because we are always evolving; there’s always room for improvement. Often we think, “If I just do this, then I’ll be okay, or once I complete this or learn this lesson, then everything will be set.” But that’s not the case. So I think it’s important to talk about self-improvement as a journey and continuous process, instead of feeling as though it’s a one-time destination — that way, we can give ourselves grace.
You recently provided us with five best practices for our community to build into their daily routines for self-care and self-improvement. One that really stuck with us is the first practice on solitude, which aligns with Michaela Coel’s Emmy award speech when she says, “See what comes to you in silence.” All five are great, but why is “being” just as important to “doing”?
Well, to me, the “being” helps to facilitate the “doing.” When you’re operating in your true self and being mindful of your emotions, thoughts, and actions, then it can bring clarity to what you actually want to do in your life. Or “being” still and present may help you realize that what you’re doing is aligning with who you are. Being also allows you to be still and find rest to have the energy to keep doing.
In your opinion, what are some common misconceptions/myths when it comes to self-care, self-improvement and/or even therapy?
Well, I already touched on the common misconception of self-improvement, with the idea that we think it’s a one-time thing and not something we continuously do. So I will focus on some common misconceptions/myths around self-care and therapy. I think the first misconception we hear and are hopefully starting to not believe is that self-care is selfish. We, especially as Black women, are supposed to serve and do for others, and love our neighbor as ourselves, and be there for everyone. So if we say no, or set a boundary, or do something solely because we want to, we worry how others may take it. Another misconception is that self-care only looks like bubble baths, massages, and buying yourself nice things. But it can also look like setting boundaries, getting rest, holding yourself accountable, and having hard conversations with yourself. With therapy, I slowly think people are becoming more accepting. But I think a big barrier in the Black community still is either thinking to just pray on it instead. Or what’s the point of talking to a stranger when I can talk to my friends?
The point is there’s a benefit in speaking to someone who doesn’t know you and can speak objectively about what you’re going through. Another misconception is that therapy is expensive, but it doesn’t have to be. If you’re insurance covers mental health services, then you would only need to pay a copay. If you’re not insured, there are places like www.openpathcollective.org that offer a sliding scale for therapy. Or www.betterhelp.com is a virtual space that provides online therapy for a set amount a month.
We recently came across this article on productivity dysmorphia, the inability to see one’s own successes. In your opinion, why do we not celebrate our success and how can we implement practices to improve?
Because we’re constantly comparing ourselves to others and feeling, we need to do more. Or we’re not stopping to take a breath and focus on our success because we move on to the next thing we “should” be doing instead. I often find myself doing the same thing. I’m always like, okay check, did this thing, what’s the next goal because I don’t want to get complacent or not accomplish other goals that I have for myself. But recently, with opening my own practice, I’ve been focusing on reminding myself to just be still and present and focus on the moment. Starting a practice was not what I expected to accomplish this soon in my career, but I did it. So I remind myself to just be proud of that first; I don’t have to move on to the next thing yet. Some practices could be making lists of what you’re proud of yourself for, rewarding yourself in big or small ways when you reach a milestone, and celebrating even the small things.
Switching gears, we, particularly within the Black community, tend to see history repeating itself, especially in the media. Last week alone is a great example. What are some coping mechanisms when faced with this retraumatization?
Have limits so that you can turn off and disengage when needed. Process the emotions you’re feeling. Talk to other people about how you are feeling so that you are reminded that you’re not alone. Find ways to cope that work for you; maybe it looks like activism, donating, creating content, sharing others’ content, or distracting yourself with funny tv shows. Don’t shame yourself for how you cope.
Most importantly, focus on the positives of being a part of the Black community. Black people do not only know pain, trauma, injustice, and struggle. There is Black joy, Black love, Black Twitter and the jokes that come with it, beautiful Black culture like our food, our music, and our dancing. So focus on those things and the beauty of being Black as well.
What are some self-care and/or self-improvement resources (books, articles, influencers to follow) that you could recommend?
People to follow: @alexelle @thelookingglass.jm (Spelman sister) @blackgirlscanheal_ @kjhartwell @therapyforblackgirls @namastebyjay (another Spelman sister) @dr.donnaoriowo @thenapministry @saddie_baddies
Podcasts: @Becauselifewithsydel (shameless plug lol) and @therapyforblackgirls
Books: Alex Elle’s After the Rain, Attached by Amir Levine, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson, The Four Agreements (lifechanging!) by Don Miguel Ruiz, More than Enough by Elaine Welteroth (another fave!!) The Defining Decade by Meg Jay, and You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero.
Apps: @theshineapp @ladderapp @eternalsunshine @fiton @headspace @calm
How can our subscribers stay connected with you and Therapy Is My Jam?
Unfortunately, I am at my capacity for clients at the time so I am unable to take on any new ones. But you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter @therapyismyjam and visit my website www.therapyismyjam.com to buy merchandise, request me to speak at an event, or see work I’ve done. I’m working on creating an email list eventually, so once I figure that out, then I’ll let you know how you can subscribe to emails.
Let’s All Build Together
We’ll be back with the news, cultural highlights, and perspective next week! In the meantime, let’s all try to build in at least one self-care or self-improvement practice in our routine.
For us, we meditate, read our devotional, and journal every night before we go to bed. It’s the best way for us to have clarity and be with ourselves (and the Lord) as we shut our brains off and head into a good slumber.
Let’s also try to use the remainder of the week to brainstorm one thing we’re hoping to accomplish by the end of the year. For us, it’s our crowdfunding campaign. 😉
Until we meet again, #staynotedd!
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